If someone annoys me it doesn’t mean they’re wrong
I said something disparaging this morning about an acquaintance to my wife, Most Beautiful One. Then I expressed dissatisfaction that I made the comment. She replied, “Mike, you’ve been working so hard not to criticize others, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. No one is perfect.” As usual, she was spot on.
A few times a year, I seem to go through a phase where I immediately react to things people say or do. If I’m not careful, my emotions can turn into texts or emails that I’ll probably later regret. Eventually, I’ve also observed that the fact that someone’s opinion upsets me doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Things are rarely black and white. Which is why I talk to Most Beautiful One before I hit the send button!
Clearly there is a rampant tendency in our society to blame our problems on our circumstances and the people around us. But, if we first work on changing ourselves, our environment will eventually reflect this transformation.
As a former management consultant, I appreciate Rasheed Ogunlaru’s advice, “When you feel that others are lacking and failing…. first assess the skill, style, quality, results, mindset, support, professionalism and spirit with which you yourself play the game.” I would just change it to play the game of life.
Buddhist scholar Daisaku Ikeda has said, “A sense of sincerity is the one thing that somehow, in a very subtle way, gets across to others. Human beings perhaps possess some deep inner power that allows them to sense sincerity instinctively. The degree to which they can do so is quite astounding.” I try to keep this in mind when I need to give someone constructive feedback or share my own perspective on some important matter.
But…back to my bride’s entreaty. Not judging myself harshly can be tricky. Much to my grandkids’ amusement, I never learned to float in water. I just couldn’t relax my body and let go. This is a perfect metaphor for my poor sense of self-worth that arose from of a difficult childhood. An inability to maintain emotional equilibrium and stay “afloat” followed me into adulthood.
I’ve really worked on this over the last several decades. The progress I’ve made has been centered on the belief that all people (including me!) inherently possess an often buried deep well of inner wisdom, courage and compassion. Every time I access this enlightened condition, my annoyance with myself or someone else turns into a willingness to engage in a constructive inner or outer dialogue. As a result, both my attitude and situation improve. This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned.
So, now I’ve resolved yet again to focus my energy on appreciating the positive qualities of the people in my environment while I do the same with myself.
